Shadows

Anxiety is a major issue in my life... I have been suffering from anxiety disorder since I was a kid... However, I had been diagnosed by a professional BITCH in 2009. The Bitch never HELPED ME TO MAKE ANY PROGRESS... FUCK HER... LOLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

I think a lot of things at the same time... Constantly, I keep thinking stuff that are not related to one another... While I keep this activity up, I hear many voices in my head... They are all talking as a different person on my head... Most of the time, I have lots of headaches... Migraine is the BONUS.. LOL LOL LOL... I love IT, anyway...:)

Even in a dream state, my mind does not stop thinking and worrying... Thus, I wake up a lot while I am sleeping... I feel the pressure and stress... My heart beats abnormally so much... My heart gets weaker and weaker day by day... On the contrary, I DO NOT GET ANY HELP... BITCHES NEVER HELP... LOOK FUCK THEIR ASSES AS WELL... THEY SHOULD FIX THEMSELVES FIRST... yeah, that is my ATTITUDE... I LIKE TO BE BITCHY WHEN IT COMES TO PROFESSIONAL SCAMMERS... They take our money but they NEVER HEAL US.... FUCK THEM ALL....

I curse a lot... Ofcourse, it is a relaxation to cope with my ANXIETY... I have also OCD, Believe me, it gets worse with anxiety... Anyway, I enjoy to suffer... That is another problem... However, in the same day I have many different personalities... I can never learn to control my emotions... I lose my control... I SCREAM AND I HAVE SEVERE NEUROTIC ATTACKS... I SUFFER AND SUFFER, BUT GUESS WHAT? I LOVE ALL THESE CRISES...

When I was a kid, I used to hit my head on the walls and carpets on purpose to get ATTENTION... I think I hit it TOO MUCH... That's WHY I'M VERY ABNORMAL... I do not understand my own emotions... They are like waves in a dark ocean. One day, I miss my ex BF so much... I know that he will never RETURN BACK to me... FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS PHD... HE COULD BE A GOOD FUCK, BUT HE WOULD NEVER BE MY HUSBAND... :)

Another day, I think of someone that I will never MEET... This is a deep issue... I will SKIP THAT.. I know that he will never CHOOSE ME AND BE WITH ME... FUCK HIM TOO... He has anxiety issues, too... He lies to HIMSELF... Look, I lie a lot too... I will be fine is my favorite MOTTO... FACE IT... People who have anxiety disorder will never BE FINE... Until they pass away, there won't be any permanent HEALING FOR THEM... Anyway, this is a hereditary ISSUE... However, imagine that I become a MOTHER one day... That child is FUCKED UP... She will SUFFER FROM ANXIETY... I sense that... I won't deal with her... Who cares about a LITTLE BASTARD? I WILL GET WORSE... Therefore, LOVE IS NOT FOR ME... PARTNERSHIP IS NOT FOR ME TOO... Marriage is a BULLSHIT AND U HAVE TO SIGN THE PAPER TO SPEND ALL YOUR LIFE WITH A SAME SHITTY MAN? LOL LOL LOL NO WAY...

IMAGINE, I WILL GET MARRIED... IN the last minute, I WILL SAY:"I'm very sorry, but I can't MARRY YOU! Maybe, NEXT TIME!!!" LOOOOOOOL...

I have many personalities hiding INSIDE ME... They are like shadows and they non stop pursue ME... They bother me a LOT... I am like an ANGEL if ONLY i want to be... I am like a demon as long as I WANT TO BE... That is the BITCHY SIDE OF ME... However, anxiety is the real trigger to make me TURN INTO A DEMONIC PERSON... Now, I would like to ask that whom is the real BLAME?

I know WHOM IS THE BLAME... However, SHE WAS THE ONLY PRECIOUS HUMAN BEING I HAD IN THIS MISERABLE LIFE... FORGET AND FORGIVE... I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HER LEAVING ME SO QUICKLY... WHEN SHE DIED, I WAS SWIMMING IN THE SEA AND SHOWING MY GRIEF LIKE THAT... I AM ABNORMAL... I LAUGHED AT HER COFFIN BECAUSE PEOPLE TOLD ME I CAN NOT LAUGH BECAUSE SHE IS MY GRANDMOTHER... THEY TOLD ME THAT I AM INSANE LITTLE BRAT... For a few years, I never visited her graveyard... That was THE GRIEF... I can't stop worrying and thinking about the past and the future... Therefore, I NEVER CAN LIVE IN THE MOMENT... FUCK THE MOMENT...

OVERALL, WE WILL ALL GO TO GRAVEYARD AND THAT IS THE ONLY PLACE WE CAN FIND PEACE AND FEEL BLESSED!!!

PS: A very famous actor told me to write in a BLOGGER. i DO NOT KNOW IF HE REALLY WANTED TO HELP ME OR NO. I want to give IT a TRY...

I honestly do not LOVE JOHN WICK... Anyway, he is just a movie character... I SHALL COME BACK MORE AS HE SAYS...:)

HAPPY SUFFERINGS FROM ANXIETY....

BE CALM AND SURRENDER...

A Real Psychic Vampire:)